Draft one of project two is very unorganized and undeveloped compared to my final draft. During the journey to my final draft, there were a lot of local and global revisions made. A local revision I made was on page one I changed the typo error “taes” to takes. I had many other similar spelling errors in draft one but fixed them as each draft went on. I broke down run on sentences into two separate sentences, this made my essay grammatically correct and easier to read. I also made global revisions, these helped my essay the most by making big changes to my essay. For example, a major issue I had in my essay was my structure. In draft 1 my essay was a structured introduction, a summary of Pollan, a summary of Lowe and the other authors. This was how I was going to continue my essay until I realized my essay had no flow, and it created one paragraph pages long. For my final draft I created a structure that included an introduction that summarized Pollan then I included paragraphs that summarized my peer’s essays. In these paragraphs, I included the important evidence needed to support my thesis and examples of how they tied back to Pollan. This helped my essay flow and easier to read by creating a better structure. Another global revision I made was changing my thesis. In draft one my thesis stated “In the “Food for Thought” essays I read, they surround central themes discussing the important meaning of food… tradition, feeling, and memories.” This thesis seems very listed and it didn’t pair with what my essay was about. In my final draft, my thesis was “Food brings Lowe, Hayes, and Sirios the feeling of togetherness and passes on a family tradition. People have too much connection and love for homemade food to just give it away (like Pollan says society will), people will put in the effort and time to cook if it really means something to them as my peers demonstrate.” Although this thesis is longer, it summarizes my claim and pairs with what I am writing about. After making local and global revisions my essay is structured, developed, and clear.
